Even though I know the days are getting longer, February always seems like the darkest depths of winter to me.  Fortunately, it's a short month, and jam packed with holidays, perhaps to offset the gloom that settles into the bones this time of year.  Here are some popular, as well as lesser known, February holidays:

• Groundhog Day
• Candlemas
  
• Valentine's Day
  
• President's Day
• and the quintessentially American celebration of the Super Bowl, which is a de facto holiday that falls on the first Sunday in February
•  Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent  -  a moveable feast which sometimes falls in March

I watched hours and hours of Australian Open tennis this week, even though it was only two matches – Nadal v. Verdasco and Nadal v. Federer.  For his semi-final match, Nadal played the longest match in men's singles history at the Australian Open: 5 hours and 14 minutes.  His finals match against Federer lasted 4 hours and 23 minutes and was yet another classic in their rivalry.  I remember the first time I saw Nadal was while watching a match broadcast from the Miami Masters tournament when Brad and I were in Paris in 2005.  Unlike American television coverage, which averts the gaze of the camera while Nadal adjusts his underwear between every point, the French commentators mocked his OCD rituals.  "He's looking for his socks.  Will he find them and be able to play tennis?  Yes!  He has found his socks.  Now he must find his shoes."  It's an interesting cultural difference, and it was made more memorable by the match being another 5 set duel back in the days when Nadal was seeded 29th.  Nadal's OCD has decreased dramatically in the intervening years, at least what's visible on television, and it hasn't seemed to slow him as he became the number one player in the world and the first male player to hold Grand Slam singles titles on three different surfaces simultaneously.  I feel lucky to be able to watch Nadal and Federer play in my lifetime.

Which brings me to F is for Fitness:

If I were a space alien coming to Earth to choose specimens for my Human Zoo, I'd certainly take Nadal and Federer along with me as some of the fittest humans on the planet.  It's great to flop on the couch for hours watching them exert themselves to their utmost.  I have a new GoWearFit device as my February 1st gift from Brad which gathers all kinds of data about nutrition and movement and sleep, and during the long tennis matches it sometimes thought I was asleep. 

Here are some samples of the actual sleep data reports it generates:

This is my sleep record for the night of January 31st into February 1st

And February 2nd to February 3rd

You can see my lovely luxurious afternoon nap, where I apparently fell asleep immediately upon lying down.  I'm an excellent sleeper.

I slept much better than Brad, who only got 4 hours and 39 minutes of actual sleep 2/2.

And even less the following night:

No wonder he gets tired sometimes?!?

For the data obsessed among us, this is quite useful information, and may yet inspire me to move my body around a bit more instead of being in full hibernation mode.  Or not.

And F is for Finishing, which is really hard for me.  I've had a draft of this post sitting in my TypePad Drafts since February 3rd, which is what the posting date will be, even though it's getting finished on Friday the 13th.  I'm going to keep practicing the habit of finishing and posting.  G is for Geography is on the way.

I fell off the blogging wagon the last couple of weeks after my encounter with a mean PhD, partly because I do wonder about the public nature of blogging and twitter and Delicious and Facebook and whether the incessant blabbing drains energy from my feeble attempts at creating a novel.  And then something happens that I want to share with many friends and family and readers all at the same time, and I think "ah, that's what my blog is for." 

So E is for Effort.  For getting back on the horse after a fall.  E is for Engagement with the world, in all its messy, mean, petty, dirty glory.  E is for Energy, for choosing to put effort into creating, even something as mundane as a blog, or a tweet, or a delicious tag.  I think that the beauty of social media is that it's easy to have a voice and participate in the conversation, even if it's often just blather and chatter.  And I don't want to let the Crazy Meanies silence me.  I'm making Effort to continue on my Year of Living Alphabetically. 

A thing that I'm excited about and want to share is that Brad has a monthly article in Entrepreneur Magazine.  His January article is called "Perfecting your Pitch" and his February article is about angel money vs. venture capital.  The paper version of the magazine has fun photos of Brad, including this contributor photo taken at our friend David Cowan's house in Hawaii. 

Brad never seems to let the bastards get him down, even though people post all kinds of hateful and idiotic comments on his blog.  Maybe if I increase my volume of output, the nasty incidents will decrease as a percentage of interaction? 

And sincere thanks to my many supportive commenters and emailers who Encouraged me to continue putting words out into the world.  I have new courage to continue making positive Effort.

It has been an exciting week, with another peaceful and orderly transition of government in our country.  This is the sort of thing I actually feel patriotic about, as opposed to the necessity of wearing a flag lapel pin to show my patriotism.

I love to vote, and always do so.  I think of the people who fought and died for our rights, and especially those women who achieved suffrage.  I think of places like China where democracy has made some inroads, but the implementation of free and open elections is a long way away. 

I also love transitions and have always been interested in those moments in between different states, the interregnum between "The King is dead.  Long live the King," or the lame duck period between presidents.  This is one of those cases where the magical incantation of words creates a new state, in this case literally.  It was fascinating that the oath of office was re-administered by Chief Justice Roberts.  The words really do matter. 

D is also for Daring.

These photos are of my assistant, Kelli Rayburn, climbing in Eldorado Canyon.  She is only the second woman to complete this route.

In the background of the following image you can see our red house up on the ridge:

Kelli obviously exemplifies a bunch of D's:  discipline, dedication, devotion, desire.
Go, Kelli, Go!

"Ashamed of being Jewish?"

Of the more than 600 emails I let pile up in my inbox over the holiday break, this is the one that really got my attention.  It was an email in response to my Winter post, which still seems to me to be an entirely innocuous post about my plans to go to western Colorado to celebrate Christmas with my family.

The question is inherently insulting, aggressive, offensive, and anti-Semitic.  Am I being overly sensitive?  Perhaps.  Let’s reframe it with some different examples:  Are you ashamed of being Hispanic?  African American?  Hindu?  Ashamed of being handicapped?  Republican?  Infertile?  Lesbian?  Left-handed?  Atheist?  Obese?  Elderly?  Polish?  Diabetic?  Christian?  

So I thought for a long while about an appropriate response and on Thursday, January 8th sent:

Let me help you out — being Jewish is nothing at all to be ashamed of.  If I were Jewish, as my husband is, I'm sure I'd be proud of my heritage and vibrant cultural traditions and community.  But I'm not even the tiniest bit Jewish.  Completely WASP all the way back to the British Isles on both sides, 100% according to my 23 and me genetic profile.

Maybe you can find time in the new year to learn not to leap to incorrect assumptions.

Happy 2009.

I thought that I was quite direct, and maybe even funny, and I was expecting an apology — something along the lines of “Oh, I didn’t realize you weren’t Jewish, and I’m sorry if I offended you.  My bad.”

We could have opened a conversation about participation in religious communities in Boulder, and I might have had a chance to mention that I am indeed an atheist, which I would have thought was objectionable to a much wider range of people than being Jewish.

Instead, here's what I got back:

—–Original Message—–
From:  [name removed]
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 5:48 PM
To: Amy Batchelor
Subject: Re: The Latest from Thoughts in Random Patterns

I do not know what I have got wrong.  I am fairly convined [sic] that you and Brad are narcissists and possibly borderline.   That's what I tell folks in Boulder.   I am Dr [name removed] google
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

And then I started getting mad:

And
any kind of actual therapist requires MEETING a person in order to make
a diagnosis.  My DSM code was adjustment disorder with abnormal grief
before I completed therapy.  Where's your degree from, doctor?

And maybe a little petty:

From: Amy Batchelor
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 7:35 PM
To: [name removed]

And
what an interesting last name you have [name removed]- those 3 [letter removed] make
you quite unusual.  Or perhaps you can't spell your own name?  Or type
either?

And I tried again to correct his incorrect assumption:

And then he got mean and scary: 

At this point, I want this entire exchange to end, so I sent this:

—Original Message—–
From: Amy Batchelor
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 7:59 PM
To: [name removed]
Subject: RE: The Latest from Thoughts in Random Patterns

Okay, I'm ready for my blog post with all of your emails now.  Are you ready?

Which did have the desired effect of backing him off, but only after he sent this:

And finally, a borderline apology and retreat:

From: Amy Batchelor
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 2009 9:11 PM
To: [name removed]
Cc: Brad Feld
Subject: RE: The Latest from Thoughts in Random Patterns

I will honor your request to keep your incorrect query about my religion offline, as well as unsubscribing you from my blog posts and adding your email to my spam blocker.  I will be writing a blog post about the level of civil discourse common in the online world which will be about this exchange, and your query, but will keep you anonymous.  Of course, Brad already knows about this entire exchange, as I requested his support in the face of your rudeness at the initial receipt of your email on Christmas Day.  I sincerely hope our paths never cross again.

And even after that, he just couldn't quit:

You
misunderstood me.  I hate waspy pretensions.  Imistook u for jewish coz
of your husband Dislike your shallow blog as well. Hope u learn
sommething about art

So first he hates me because I'm Jewish, and now he hates me because I'm a WASP.

Why try so hard to make an enemy of me about my solstice celebration?

And
he thought what?  That I’d keep these hostile, aggressive,
inappropriate, insulting emails a secret, alongside my putative shame
about being Jewish?

Why would you do this?  As a confirmed pack rat, I will keep these emails FOREVER.  In a small community like Boulder, any time Dr. [name removed] comes up, I will tell this tale.  In fact, I will be telling this tale loudly and widely in a range of contexts, naming his name.

And what I feared has come to pass; which is that by being a “public figure” I’m opening myself to contact from the angry mob.  But it turned out not to be so scary in the sunlight of a new day.  I actually feel newly empowered to speak my truth, especially since the original post was entirely innocuous and devoid of any controversial, risky, or personal content.  I feel a new Courage and Conviction and Commitment to writing – if I’m going to be attacked over something completely innocuous, like spending Christmas with my family, then I’m going to go ahead and put actual risky things out there into the world.

One of the challenges of participating in the public
world of blogs and twitter and online newspaper comments is that the
level of discourse is often, sadly, that of an angry, drunk, 14 year
old boy.  I thought I'd post the
exchange in hopes of getting support from my blogging community about
how to deal with people like this, people who want to take the
conversation offline and into one-to-one email, perhaps so they feel
shielded from community values.

I'll close with some deep wisdom from Rabbi Hillel:  That which is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary.  Go and study it.

We start the first full work week of 2009 with the Letter B:   B is for Being.  Our culture is very alert to and focused on doing, and less aware of the benefits of just being.  While I was thinking of "A" words last week, many of them came from my desultory meditation practice:

• ahimsa  — non-violence
• anahata — the heart center
• anapanasati  — meditation form of vipassana
• anatta — or "not-self"– which results from meditation

Which led me to thinking about being versus nothingness, the nature of existence, and the Buddha's last words, "Do your best."   

Part of the source of thinking about existence came from reading  The Intellectual Devotional in the bathroom the other morning.  I opened randomly to Rainbow
(p. 235) and got stuck in footnote #3.  "It is physically impossible
to walk under a rainbow.  They literally exist only in the eyes of the
observer."  Long pause to think about the role of the observer in maintaining the existence of the universe, and the baffling nature of the little amount I know about quantum mechanics.  And then my mind comes back down to earth and starts correcting the claim about existing only in the eyes of the observer.  The proper claim is that rainbows exist in the mind of the observer, not the EYES.  Rainbows don't exist in the eyes.  

Of course this also caused me to froth and rant about one of my favorite pet peeves – misuse of the word "literally" when the author literally means "figuratively" or "metaphorically."  I'm reading Thomas Friedman's book Hot, Flat, and Crowded, and there it is, on page 16.  "Congress…literally gagged and blindfolded the government…" No, no, no!  Wrong!  Argh!  Congress cannot literally do either of those things to the government.  Argh!  

And you can see why committing to spending some time Being instead of ranting and frothing is a good idea for me. 

I like resolutions and new beginnings, and although January 1st is an entirely arbitrary start date, it's easier to think about setting goals while the rest of the world is either doing the same thing or debating the merits of such behavior — the meme is in the air.

I had a new idea this past week about structure that I'm hereby officially announcing I'm going to implement this year. I've done lots of reading about goals (rather than work toward actually achieving mine?) and one of the consistent tips is to make public announcements and create accountability to others and enlist their support in your efforts.  So, my new idea is this: I'm going to use the 26 letters of the alphabet to create a weekly theme based on each letter, cycling through the alphabet twice in a 52 week year.  For example, "A" words might include:

• announcement
• accountability
• achievement
• action
• abundance
• attitude of gratitude
• acceptance
• aspire
• audacity 
• awareness
• assume good intent
• allowing instead of controlling
• act now

Instead of thinking about tasks and errand-level items, I'll let my thematic words shape my thinking and get my focus up out of the minutia and onto the larger ideas and values behind my actions.  I'll set up some words in advance, but be inspired by what arises in my life as the weeks pass. 

If I were a character in The Matrix, I wouldn't be the Oracle or the Keymaster or Trinity, I would be the List Maker.  Rather than resist this part of my nature, I thought I'd enlist (punny?!) my affinity for words and language and letters and lists to give a longer range form to the initial impulse toward goals that seems easy at the beginning of January and then fades under the ongoing onslaught of daily life.

And trying a new thing, and commiting to this provokes two of the Big Bad "A" words for me:  Anxiety and Approval-Seeking.  This is a good signal to me that I'm on the right track, and to keep moving forward. 

I've been partly inspired by The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, who I was fortunate enough to have coffee with in June in New York, along with Ben Casnocha, who is an inspiration and friend to me as he forges ahead on a path of his own making.   The title is inspired by The Year of Living Biblically, which is completely beyond the pale as a concept, but a good title.

And of course I have other goals — the ongoing usual suspects about writing and exercise and doing more of both.  Another new thing I'm committing to I'm calling Zero Sum Possessions, which means that for any new additional object that comes into my world, an old one must go.  I have more than enough of everything, and will continue to try to have things around me that are useful and beautiful and not clutter.  A post to come under the Letter "C"?

Good luck with whatever resolutions you've made, or enjoy feeling free from any need for self-improvement!  Happy New Year!